IN10SE – Speed Rapport Course

The Shadow is a good thing, he believed…because it brings a sense of balance. This sense of balance, which is essential because you can’t repress anything and it starts to spread into other areas of your daily life.

IN10SE – Speed Rapport Course

Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act 1976, amended. Reproduction, adaptation, distribution and public performance of this Manuscript, or any excerpts thereof, to a website or email constitute violations of law. These violations could lead to liability for compensatory damages or statutory damages up to $150,000 each. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 2 Relationship Topics Relationship themes can be a great tool for conversation. They not only create interesting conversation but also help you move to deeper personal and social levels. Below are my top themes. Feel free to add in your own thoughts and tailor these themes to your personal style. All the best! IN10SE Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Any reproduction, adaptation or distribution of this Manuscript or portions thereof to a webpage or email would be considered a violation of law and could result in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 3 The Red Rose Ever notice how, when you’re in a relationship, everything seems intense and exciting? But as time passes by, that excitement is often replaced by a sense stability and comfort. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, I was reminded of how people focus on rose petals and how they smell. When you stop looking at a rose for too long, you begin to notice the stem and the thorns. The stem gives life and nutrients to the flower. People tend to think that relationships are similar. They focus on the initial romance, intensity, and attraction. However, as you get closer and more comfortable with the person, this keeps the excitement and intensity alive. Social Mastery’s Red Rose Copyright 2007 is a good example. Copyright Act 1976, amended. Any reproduction, adaptation, distribution or public performance of this Manuscript, or any excerpts thereof, to a website or email, is a violation of law. This would lead to liability for compensatory damages, and/or statutory damages up to $150,000 each infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 4 The Bank. I was speaking to an old friend of my family. He was telling me about how he and his wife were getting prepared to celebrate their 50th aniversity. I asked him how he kept his marriage alive for so many years. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. If you spend more quality time together, the bank will have more money. Spending more time with a person will result in more money being put into the bank. You can add value to your relationship bank by sharing things together like shared interests, experiences and commonalities. Arguments take money from the bank. Negative experiences drain money from the bank. If the balance falls below a certain amount, the relationship is dead. Save your differences for the big stuff and enjoy the small things together. Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Any reproduction, adaptation or distribution of the Manuscript or portions thereof to a webpage or email would be a violation of law and could result in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 5 The Energy Connection Are you able to feel a psychic connection when you are emotionally close to someone? I was interested in how different cultures believed they were connected to their loved ones by energy threads. These energetic connections can be described as strong emotional bonds that strengthen the more a relationship grows and the closer they become emotionally. When you feel connected to someone this way, they can sense your emotional energy and pick it up. Ever felt like someone was right there for you? Did they call you almost immediately after you thought about them? Maybe it was the connection Copyright 2007 from Social Mastery. Copyright Act 1976, amended. Any reproduction, adaptation, distribution or public performance of this Manuscript, or any excerpts thereof, to a website or email would be a violation of law. This could lead to liability for compensatory damages or statutory damages up to $150,000 each. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 6 The Three Brains Are you familiar with the feeling of being emotionally attached to someone and not attracted to them physical? I was just reading an interesting book about the different brains we have. Each brain has its own agenda, needs and wants. This is the Reptilian Brain, which contains all of your primal instincts. This is where instinct comes from and is the primitivest part of your brain. This brain is a very independent part of the brain and desires adventure and excitement at all costs. The limbic, also known as the emotional brain or the limbic, is another part of your brain. This is where emotions and memories are stored. This part of the brain needs security and comfort. It’s interesting to note that comfort and security can ultimately mean certainty, but the physical brain requires adventure and excitement. Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Any reproduction, adaptation or distribution of this Manuscript or portions thereof to a webpage or email would be considered a violation of law and could result in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 7 Then there’s the Neocortex, the logical brain. This is the analytical part of your brain that attempts to think through problems by trying to get out of emotional and physical influences.-You can ride the emotional and reptilian brains by looking at everything from an analytical, detached perspective. We can’t be detached all the while and eventually we will give in to the influence of our primitive emotional limbic brain or physical brain. People are more at ease with themselves when they are able to accept all parts of themselves. Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Reproduction, adaptation, distribution or public performance of this Manuscript, or any excerpts thereof, are all violations of the law. These violations could lead to liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages up to $150,000 each. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 8 The Jerk and the Nice guy. Have you ever noticed that some girls are attracted to the Bad boy Jerk? It’s because they confuse arrogance with confidence and self-centeredness with self-esteem. He cares only about what he wants. The other end of this scale is the cute teddy bear who wants nothing more than to please you. He seems to only care about what you want. That is what no woman wants. Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Any reproduction, adaptation or distribution of this Manuscript or portions thereof to a webpage or email would be considered a violation of law and could result in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 9 Passion. What are you PASSIONATE about, then? Passion is a greek word that means abandonment. It’s when you are fully present in the moment and give yourself over to something or someone. This is where we learn the most about ourselves, love and life. Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Any reproduction, adaptation or distribution of this Manuscript or portions thereof to a webpage or email would be considered a violation of law and could result in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 10 The Purple Bag. Sometimes, it is hard to know who you really are. Our job or our role in life is what we believe we are. Possibly you have recognized several issues that may be interfering in your relationships. This is a great opportunity to look at other areas. Place yourself in a comfortable position. Imagine that a large transparent plastic bag is right in front. You’ll notice many things when you examine the bag. This bag is very clear. The color inside the bag is a purple swirling color that slowly moves around the bag almost like iridescent. Take a moment to watch the purple light swirling around inside the bag. You can put some things in the bag if you wish. Some things about yourself, your thoughts your ideas, your difficulties, your hopes… Begin by putting into the bag – your name – and everything it means about you …what it says about you… how it feels to have this name Notice it just swirling in the purple light. Place in the bag – your clothes – your favorite outfit – your entire wardrobe Place in the bag – your hairstyle… and your makeup… notice what it says about you, what kind of statement it makes, what it means about you. Watch it all slowly swirling in the bag… notice those things that are important to you… Put in the bag – your furniture…. your entire house… everything in it. Notice all of those things you own, swirling in the purple mist Now in the bag put – your car… what it says about you… what you are trying to tell Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Reproduction, adaptation, distribution and public performance of this Manuscript, or any excerpts thereof, to a website or email would be violations of the law. This could lead to liability for compensatory damages or statutory damages up to $150,000 each. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 11 people about yourself… Now put your phone in the bag… all of your possessions in the bag… put your job in the bag… and all those ideas that you are what you do… put in the bag – your mind… and with it that little voice in the back of your mind that is always telling you what to think and what to do… put your personality in the bag… your dreams… your nightmares… place in the bag your beliefs… all of your beliefs about money… men… women…sex… your sex organs… beliefs about your weight… your complexion… beliefs about race… God… religion… politics… place in the bag all of the ideas and fears you have about death and loneliness… put your mother in the bag… and all of your ideas and thoughts about her… put your father in the bag…. In the bag now place you sisters, brothers, grandparents, husband or wife, children, friends… put in the bag anyone you have every hurt… Put all of your complaints in the bag… anything you have ever complained about All your judgments… in the bag… Those people and things you felt were good – bad – right – wrong put in the bag – your need to always be right your opinions, opinions about what you have and have not accomplished opinions about failure… reputation… things you’re guilty of… laws you broke… arguments you had put in the bag – all the agreements you didn’t keep… all the relationships you left… Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Any reproduction, adaptation, distribution or public performance of this Manuscript, or any excerpts thereof, to a website or email, is a violation of the law. You could be subject to compensatory damages or statutory damages up to $150,000 for each infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 12 all the relationships that left you… put in the bag… opinions others have about you… opinions your parents had about what they wanted you to be… what your friends wanted you to be… what your boss wanted you to be… put in the bag… what your enemies think of you… your characteristics, habits, addictions… your resistance… put it all in the bag, and just watch it all swirling and moving…. all those things that are you…. that define you…. put in the bag your need to be argumentative… or revengeful…. your need to be alone…. your desire to not tell the truth… your desire to not confront others… put in the bag… your refusal to let other people teach you your reluctance to empower other people In the bag put all of your fears… your need to justify what you do wrong the reasons for why you are what you are Put all of your current problems IN THE BAG… all of those things about you… swirling in the bag in the purple misty light… Now, look around and put anything you might have forgotten in the bag anything about you… put it all in there… everything that is you is in the bag Now put your clothes you are wearing in the bag… Now put your naked body in the bag… see everything that is you… in the bag, all swirling around in the bag, with the purple light… But… you are NOT in the bag Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 amended. Reproduction, adaptation, distribution and public performance of this Manuscript and excerpts thereof are all violations. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 13 You are who is looking at the bag You created everything in that bag to help you experience yourself You can keep or discard ANYTHING in the bag It is YOUR CHOICE… It is YOUR choice… It is not you… you are not who is in the bag… you are not the THINGS in the bag. YOU ARE THE ONE LOOKING AT THE BAG. now you can keep whatever you choose, it is your choice… In a moment you are going to give the bag a big kick… you are going to send that bag into the universe far away from here… and let it go… Ready?… now when I count to three… give it a big kick… so hard that is goes flying far into the outer reaches of the universe… ready?… one… two… three…. and watch it go, farther and farther away… so far that is gets really small, now becoming a tiny speck in the distance, so small now that it is totally gone… just gone… Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Any reproduction, adaptation, distribution or public performance of this Manuscript, or any excerpts thereof, to a website or email, is a violation of law. This would lead to liability for compensatory damages up to $150,000 and/or statutory damage. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 14 The Shadow and the Rising Sun Pattern I was thinking about something the other day…about polarities… about the whole concept of the Yin and Yang…about hot and cold…black and white…light and darkness. And how opposites are really the same thing…just varying degrees on the same spectrum…of possibilities…and how one is defined in relation to the other…and how there are no absolutes. And then I remembered something that a Psychologist friend of mine said once…She said, I have to go feed my shadow…and I wasnt quite sure what she meant at the time until I read something by Jung. He said that everyone has a Shadow…a dark side…a place of forbidden desires. This is that part of you that you hide from the rest of the world…maybe even from yourself… where you can experience and imagine those… thoughts…the things that you wouldnt want anyone to ever find out that you long for and dream about…where you want to experience all the excitement of this moment…to let go of all the things that had been holding you back before…to just let go… and enjoy all that life has to offer… The Shadow is a good thing, he believed…because it brings a sense of balance. This sense of balance is important because it is believed that what you suppress can grow and spill over into other areas of your life. If your shadow is repressed it grows and grows…until it just takes you over completely. Jung said that it was similar to the Rising Copyright 2007 of Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Reproduction, adaptation, distribution or public performance of this Manuscript, or any excerpts thereof, to a website or email would be violations of the law. This could lead to liability for compensatory damages or statutory damages up to $150,000 each. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 15 Sun… because in the morning, as the Sun rises in the sky…… it gets higher and higher… closer and closer to the highest point in its path (midlife) …until at mid-day it changes polarity completely… and everything that was once true has now changed…and now the opposite is true… and the sun goes down. This is the idea behind mid-It is a life-threatening situation. (I usually anchor the path of the rising sun with my hand) Its like the more you try to deny your shadow, the more intense your shadow becomes…and the more intense your shadow becomes the more you feel that underlying tension growing within you for it to just come out …until one day it just takes over completely. The balance is a good thing. What if you could step into your shadow and see the world through its eyes? What would this say about you as a person compared to who you were before? What are your most pressing needs and wants right now? Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. What are your most pressing needs and desires? Copyright Act of 1996, amended, prohibits reproduction, adaptation and distribution of this Manuscript and excerpts thereof to web pages or emails. These acts constitute independent violations of law and could lead to liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up $150,000 each. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 16 Depth Rapport Builder, I have a new theory on all relationships and what makes a good one. Passion is essential. This is when you feel a connection with your partner, a physical chemistry. You need commitment to feel a close emotional connection to this person. This feeling is described by philosophers as a sense or duty. It is where you feel secure knowing that this person is there for you. You can see yourself with them in the future. If you only have passion but not intimacy or commitment, that would be called physical infatuation. It could be a one-night stand, or nothing more. If you only have intimacy and no passion or commitment, that would be friendship. We all have Copyright 2007 from Social Mastery. Copyright Act 1976, amended. Any reproduction, adaptation, distribution or public performance of this Manuscript, or any excerpts thereof, to a website or email, is a violation of law. This would lead to liability for compensatory damages, and/or statutory damages up to $150,000 each. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 17 You can’t have passion and intimacy if you only commit to a relationship. It’s like a lot of married people. You can have passion, intimacy, and commitment. This is like a Romantic affair and maybe the knowledge that it is something that’s now or never or that you have no guarantees about, makes the passion and intimacy even more intense And you can have passion and commitment, but no intimacy. This is similar to people who love sex but stay together. You can have passion and intimacy, but not commitment or intimacy. This would be similar to grandma and grandpa being together for companionship but not remembering the last time. As with all things, balance is the best. It’s about finding the perfect balance where you have just enough passion, intimacy, and commitment. Copyright 2007 by Social Mastery. Copyright Act of 1976 as amended. Any reproduction, adaptation or distribution of this Manuscript or portions thereof to a webpage or email would be considered a violation of law and could result in liability for compensatory and/or statutory damages of up $150,000 per infringement. 17 U.S.C. 504(2) 18 Conclusion These are just some of my favorite themes. Consider the lessons you have learned in the Speed Rapport Book from different levels of connection to emotional and physical types. Learn about relationships and develop your own themes. Sometimes, personal experience is the best teacher. But you can tune in to your experiences and be focused on them by learning as much as you can. Know your culture and read books. Most importantly, open yourself to the possibility of deepening and developing new relationships as well as existing ones. Best regards. IN10SE

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